the future of the kim/shim clans

the future...

christian (11yr) & anais (8yr} :: optionalg_mimi
jaydon (1yr) :: gu_sharon
ashley (2mos) :: bernie_yoojin

i am the suck

i am the suck

i used to maintain a site for the praise team and hosted the server in the employee colo... and have been meaning to put it back online for nearly 6 months now. i don't know what is keeping me from taking the time to put the thing back online.

i am the suck

i have been cycling through different scenarios in my mind on how to put the server back online (home dsl networked to the basement, sharing a colo cab with a friend, putting the site on another server, or quit) but something always seems to come up.

i am beginning to question if this was something that i was doing for myself, or for God. was it my effort to get attention and try and use it as a tool to make myself look good, or to help the members of the praise team in their efforts to practice and learn new songs.

i found myself not practicing as much when i was doing the website becuase i was assuming that by doing the postings, the chords and lyrics would automagically lock into my brain... but i had scripted most of that out, so i was just cutting nad pasting once i had a decent number of songs added.

i am the suck

i was reading hebrews 6:11-12

11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

recently... i have the feeling that i am getting lazy in my walk... going to church, practicing, reading and reflecting on the Word, speaking truth.

i think that a lot of it has to do with my workload (real and self imposed) and health issues. shortly after starting at my new job, the senior sysadmin left, leaving me to do all of the systems and network administration. i was able to get a friend from my other job to come over and he took some of the load off. that is going to change as he was given the opportunity to go back to his old job and he accepted... leaving me to run solo again.

as for my health... i am in limbo (something i can't do) in becoming bionic with the spinal neurostimulator implant. insurance is the suck.



i have many people that are praying for me... for healing, for growth, for care of my family... yet i find it hard sometimes to pray for myself. i am pretty sure that God answered my prayer about where my health situation is going.. and that physical healing was not in the plans for this life. mentally i am ok with that and have accepted that God's will is different than the desires of those that pray for my healing.

• am i being lazy by blocking the 'blessing' by being steadfast in my acceptance of being ill?
• am i being lazy about trying to pray harder for healing?
• am i being lazy about crying out louder for healing?
• am i being lazy in my preperation for/to worship and praise?
• am i being lazy in my greatfulness in everything else that i have ... other than my health?
• am i being lazy by using my health as an excuse to not spend time... precious time with my family?
• am i being lazy by allowing my health issues to make me a caustic person to be around?
• am i being lazy about my song writing by keeping it to myself or locked in a notepad?
• am i being lazy by alllowing health issues get in the way of being a good husband to my long suffering wife?
• am i being lazy by alllowing health issues get in the way of being a good father to my 2 wonderful kids?
  

i put my diligence into being the best worker because it gives me a sense of worth, a sense that i am doing my all to provide for my family, and because staring at a laptop at 2am helps dull the pain. which again begs the question.. why am i able to be diligent in certain things and not others.

i are the suck??? yeah... i r the suck

da vinci code...

it is amazing to me the frenzy 'the da vinci code' has generated in the past few years. like a me-too kevin bacon six degrees of separation fiesta.. you have read the book, know someone that has read the book, gonna read the book, or know dan brown personally.

lets keep fanning the flame people... with the pending release of the movie... dan brown keeps getting richer and tom hanks looks stupider with that haircut with each trailer i see.

there are 2 prominent trains of thought... either the movie is the anti-'passion of the christ' and slams catholics|opus dei|templars|priory of sion ... or ... creates a springboard for debate about Jesus and the veracity of the bible.

i tend to agree with the second. the movie and book are entertainment and are not the first to imply something about the relationship between Jesus and mary magdalene or taking catholic tenants to task. movies like 'the last temptation of christ' and 'dogma' took potshots at religion/Jesus/God. only historically illiterate and those that wear tin foil skull cap beanies are going to buy into the conspiracy theories and logic of the fictional book.. which for those that do not know .. seems to be lifted from a book ' The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail' written about 20 years before.

flipping through the Tivo options.. i see the 13 1/2 hour marathon of show on the history channel :: the templar code :: decoding the past (opus dei) :: mysteries of the freemasons :: behind the da vinci code :: beyond the da vinci code :: da vinci and the code he lived by :: rinse :: repeat ::

mind you.. i have recorded and watched most of them.. out of shear boredom and curiosity.

the bible never mentions that jesus was married and some passages are contrary to that 'blessed event'. in john 20:10-18 we see jesus calling maryM 'woman' and maryM calling jesus 'teacher' ... nothing to indicate a more betrothal type relationship.. unless they were fighting and maryM was mad at jesus and giving him the cold shoulder... for like... dying.. and then coming back to life. funny that none of the main apostles write of any kind of marriage or child

i am actually excited for the chance to use the book, movie and all of the other media coverage about the da vinci code and the 'facts' ... as an opportunity to speak truth and share the true jesus with anyone that will listen/debate

noboby is claiming jesus never existed which is half the battle... the simpe thing will be to dis-prove the notion that 'jesus was married and had a daughter'

optional what?

it has been almost 2 years since i first set this blog up and this will be my first post. hope it was worth the wait

.. not that i have anything important to talk about.. but just 'cause all my friends have one and my prose seems to amuse... so here goes nothing. (note that i hate caps.. so i will use lower case for basically everything)

.: history of optionalg :.

the optionalg nickname was given to me by my boss when i worked for viawest

there was a j_chan and we were interchangeable... in terms of being asian and in the hosting dept... so i became optionalg (chang <=> chan) ... it also played into my real middle initial (g) so... there you have it

i have some other nicknames.. but they are not so friendly.... but funny none the less

changfoo (becuase of my computer hacking skillz)
chinkshady (my alter ego in hacker mode and my fury and political incorrectness)
wang chang (come one... everybody wang chung tonight)
ching chong chang chicken (my brother used to call me that all the time...)